Health impacts of negative stress is widely studied and the research shows just how bad your body reacts to continual trauma. Sadly, we ignore this and, worse, we don’t talk about it enough to stop it from being so prevalent in our lives.

For me, stress has played a recurring role in significant health problems. In 2000, I was diagnosed with Stage 4 Papillary Thyroid Cancer, left my job, and entered treatment around that health issue. In 2009, I gained a tremendous amount of weight, ran up my blood pressure, and was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes. In 2010-2011 the toxic stress of work wore me down again and I could sense the health issues arising.

The last 7 months or so of my work life have been filled with an inordinate amount of frustration. Continual re-organizations, complete loss of clarity, circular logic that passes for direction, ethical concerns, Peter-principled leaders, and being regularly belittled/berated by my boss was wearing me down. I’m under no delusions that the environment became toxic and that toxicity was causing me undue stress. I noticed a parallel with a similar poisonous work environment that occurred in 2009. This time, though, I did something about it…I left.

The outright/intentional toxicity and blatant workplace bullying put me into a highly volatile and negative position. That stress negatively impacted my health both physically and mentally. I’ve added a few pounds which I rationalize as building muscle but know is  just fat. I’ve slowed my running down both in frequency and pace. Lastly, I stopped my strength workouts all together as a result of the stress.

The physical aspects of stress manifest as a result of my behavioral response to such negativity and stress. Behaviorally, I stress-eat and intake foods not on plan, not in moderation, and that don’t promote healthy energies. Worse, I withdraw to the point of implosion. While I’m sure the people at work knew I was feeling angry at being treated unprofessionally and poorly, the worst (I’m sad to admit) was saved for my family. This is amplified by my embarrassment and animosity about the stress being misplaced on a loving and supportive family who did not deserve the lashing out, yelling, cursing, or anger; for that I am truly sorry and making amends.

The funny thing about the behavioral stuff is that it becomes a downward spiral feeding on itself all the way down. The poor behavioral response begets the poor physical response which in turn drives more negative behaviors and so on. It sucks. I accept my role in the spiral and my response to the stress.

I can’t help but be accountable for my own behaviors and reactions. I think that acceptance is part of the healing and recovery of the toxicity and workplace bullying that was the source of the last round of life stress.

I think this is an important aspect of blogging about my marathon training. I think we all have stressful times that knock us back. We feel as though we aren’t allowed to speak about it or are embarrassed about the reactions we have to it. That nonsensical and self-imposed barrier needs to be knocked down.

The stress can be channeled into a fuel, of sorts, for moving in a positive direction. For me, it just took a little while until I could get it channeled. Here’s what I’ve done to channel the negative into some positivity in my life, my training, and my family.

• I left the workplace bullying and toxicity behind
• I apologized to my family for every moment of anger caused by a bad work situation
• I’ve spent more time being Mike – the husband, the father, the friend, and the good person I know I am
• I started back with the marathon training group on Saturdays and get out more during the week.
• I am doing a 100 pushups a day challenge in July (more on this later).
• I bought a commuter bike to run around town and get some cross training, save time, and save money.
• We, the family, celebrate our freedom from a bad place with bad people often.
• I am cleaning up the office in my home and ridding our happy home of the shit from my last job.
• We’re reclaiming that office for a play/homeschool room for our daughter and filling it with positive energy and toys

Stress, when dished out by others, is a difficult thing to manage. It hurts to be on the receiving end of things and know the way out is shrouded in darkness and mystery. It was hard to make the step but when the opportunity arose, I saw it and took it. It gave me a way clear of bad bosses, bad decisions, bad ethics, and road to happiness in my life.

My health is too important (and so is yours) to let awful people steal it from me (you). It is the fuel, now, that drives the engine that takes me to a happier, healthier life filled with more accomplishment and success.

Thanks for reading this long post.

Image source: bottled_void, thanks.